Just made a new IG account specifically for my photography and travel related posts @aristhoughtphotos. Feel free to follow on there! I'll still be keeping my main/personal @aristhought
Showing posts with label misc. Show all posts
Showing posts with label misc. Show all posts
I finished Nano! By some miracle, I hit 50 000 words yesterday.
The novel Indigo Futures - which is still tentatively titled - isn't fully finished yet and still needs to be polished. But it's finally surpassed 50k and is nearing the ending. It's probably going to take months and months of editing before it's presentable, but really glad I managed to put down the groundwork for it. Cheers. Here's to another round next year.
Posted this on my Instagram yesterday but not on my blog. Here it is. Take care everyone.
Nov 20th, 2016:
Today we honour and mourn the untimely deaths of many trans people (especially trans women of colour), due to prejudice and transphobia. Today we also find the strength to continue supporting each other, continue fighting for the trans community in these times. There has been a lot of loss but there is also a lot of strength - we continue surviving and we have existed, we do exist, and will always continue to do so.
Subscribe to Celine's channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_E2EGXZo4pVQRUpN4AtxRQ
Had an absolutely incredible time at the Tegan and Sara concert last night at KITEC. Didn't take too many photos throughout but here are three which turned out alright on my iPod (turns out most of the better photos I got were from the acoustic parts of the concert). Anyways, can't wait to see them again some day; an amazing performance all round and a memorable night without doubt, and a great way to spend one of my last nights in Hong Kong before moving to Vancouver. Also bought a huge poster from the merch table afterwards. If anyone ever gets the chance to see them live definitely go do it!
My heart goes out to Orlando, and those whose lives were lost or impacted by this. It was a horrifying, homophobic hate crime deliberately perpetuated at a prominent place of safety/acceptance for LGBT+ people. It's saddening but not surprising that amongst the inevitable talk of religion+gun control, many are neglecting to mention the targeting of innocent LGBT+ people in this crime, the impact it has on the LGBT+ community, and the undeniable role of homophobia and/or transphobia in this massacre.
The death toll is almost at 60 now, with more than 50 people injured, making it the worst gun crime in the history of the US. Do not forget that it occurred at one of the most famous gay bars, a place of safety for LGBT+ people (and we are already often at risk simply for existing.) Do not forget it occurred on Latinx night, that many there were LGBT+ people of colour, do not forget it occurred on a night where trans women of colour were publicly headlining/ running the event.
It is a time for mourning and respect - not of glorifying the killer and his name and face, but of remembering and honouring the victims and their lives, and supporting each other, and the LGBT+ community.
This is not an isolated and irrelevant incident of violence against LGBT+ minorities (such crimes are usually ridiculously under-reported by the media anyways), and certainly not the only one where the obvious role of homophobia and/or transphobia behind it is forgotten, overlooked, or excused as something else, and not the only crime with its impact on the LGBT+ community forgotten or pushed aside.
These hate crimes are only encouraged, not hindered by, a society as a whole that still normalises homophobic and transphobic language, behaviour, beliefs, and culture. It occurs in the context of a society which, in talking about crimes like this, again and again fail to acknowledge the LGBT+ context and significance in it. These tragedies don't occur in a vacuum, and the discussion of them shouldn't occur in a vacuum.
There are a lot of issues at play here, some of which I may not be fully educated enough to speak about. But what I can say, if only from my personal perspective, is that in what is undoubtedly one of the worst acts of gun violence in history, that the significance to and impact on the LGBT+ community is absolutely undeniable, and that it can't be overlooked.
A lot of us, some of whom are young, closeted, or live in an already intolerant/unsafe place, saw people just like us murdered in cold blood, and saw the public reaction to it, not all of which have been particularly respectful or kind. We're allowed to be angry, to mourn, to speak out, or to take the time we need to process something that, from any angle, is truly horrific.
Our community lost so many just in the past 48 hours. In talks of gun control and legislation and so forth, also remember where and why this crime occurred, remember the specific group of people which this crime was perpetuated against, and don't forget the significance of this to the LGBT+ community, and people of colour in the LGBT+ community.
I hope the victims rest in peace, and thoughts and prayers to their family and friends, and to everyone impacted by this. My thoughts also go out to LGBT+ people everywhere, whether you're out or not, whether you can/want to talk about this or not. It's an extremely difficult time but we're here for each other.
My two cents. I needed to talk about this, even if my thoughts have already been expressed by many already.
Meanwhile -
A helpful post with some positivity if anyone needs it: http://sportslesbian.tumblr.com/post/145837852703
The LGBT Centre of Florida/Orlando is raising money for those affected: https://www.gofundme.com/29bubytq
Remember the victims: https://www.buzzfeed.com/stephaniemcneal/orlando-shooting-victims?bftwnews&utm_term=.diXkBxABd#.utNQJ52Jb
The death toll is almost at 60 now, with more than 50 people injured, making it the worst gun crime in the history of the US. Do not forget that it occurred at one of the most famous gay bars, a place of safety for LGBT+ people (and we are already often at risk simply for existing.) Do not forget it occurred on Latinx night, that many there were LGBT+ people of colour, do not forget it occurred on a night where trans women of colour were publicly headlining/ running the event.
It is a time for mourning and respect - not of glorifying the killer and his name and face, but of remembering and honouring the victims and their lives, and supporting each other, and the LGBT+ community.
This is not an isolated and irrelevant incident of violence against LGBT+ minorities (such crimes are usually ridiculously under-reported by the media anyways), and certainly not the only one where the obvious role of homophobia and/or transphobia behind it is forgotten, overlooked, or excused as something else, and not the only crime with its impact on the LGBT+ community forgotten or pushed aside.
These hate crimes are only encouraged, not hindered by, a society as a whole that still normalises homophobic and transphobic language, behaviour, beliefs, and culture. It occurs in the context of a society which, in talking about crimes like this, again and again fail to acknowledge the LGBT+ context and significance in it. These tragedies don't occur in a vacuum, and the discussion of them shouldn't occur in a vacuum.
There are a lot of issues at play here, some of which I may not be fully educated enough to speak about. But what I can say, if only from my personal perspective, is that in what is undoubtedly one of the worst acts of gun violence in history, that the significance to and impact on the LGBT+ community is absolutely undeniable, and that it can't be overlooked.
A lot of us, some of whom are young, closeted, or live in an already intolerant/unsafe place, saw people just like us murdered in cold blood, and saw the public reaction to it, not all of which have been particularly respectful or kind. We're allowed to be angry, to mourn, to speak out, or to take the time we need to process something that, from any angle, is truly horrific.
Our community lost so many just in the past 48 hours. In talks of gun control and legislation and so forth, also remember where and why this crime occurred, remember the specific group of people which this crime was perpetuated against, and don't forget the significance of this to the LGBT+ community, and people of colour in the LGBT+ community.
I hope the victims rest in peace, and thoughts and prayers to their family and friends, and to everyone impacted by this. My thoughts also go out to LGBT+ people everywhere, whether you're out or not, whether you can/want to talk about this or not. It's an extremely difficult time but we're here for each other.
My two cents. I needed to talk about this, even if my thoughts have already been expressed by many already.
Meanwhile -
A helpful post with some positivity if anyone needs it: http://sportslesbian.tumblr.com/post/145837852703
The LGBT Centre of Florida/Orlando is raising money for those affected: https://www.gofundme.com/29bubytq
Remember the victims: https://www.buzzfeed.com/stephaniemcneal/orlando-shooting-victims?bftwnews&utm_term=.diXkBxABd#.utNQJ52Jb
Watch in HD! After editing quite a few different versions of this video here it is - our grad trip to Japan. Not using my iPod this time but an actual new video camera. Footage shot and edited by me. Had a great time - all the best for uni and beyond!
MUSIC USED:
Avalanche by Walk The Moon
Drove Me Wild (Instrumental Version) by Tegan and Sara
Instagram: @aristhought
All rights for songs go to rightful owners- this is done for non-commercial and personal use only. The usage of this material is under guidelines of fair use. Material remains under all rights of owner and is only used here for nonprofit, critique, and educational purposes. No copyright infringement is intended with the upload of this video.
Quest Week Photos
Here's some photography I worked on and completed this week- I'll write more thoughts below.
It's difficult to sum up a week's experience in a paragraph or two here (I have a feeling it's going to get longer than that-oh look, it is). It'll be a bit rambly but I like to get my thoughts down as quickly as I can, before some things inevitably fade a bit from memory.
So quick overview- this week for Quest Week (the school's activity week) I chose to stay in Hong Kong for many reasons, and learn photography for five days, walking in with real basic and really bare minimum ideas and no more knowledge of the camera in my hands (a Canon Rebel XS belonging to my dad) than how to press a button. I just really enjoy learning new things, and photography's always been something I've been interested in- but I just wasn't sure how or where to start. Over the course of one week, I learned what feels right now like an encyclopaedia worth of fundamental knowledge- both technical and philosphical- about how to use the camera and what photography is and can be to each individual. I'm not here to recap and summarize what I learned in minute detail, from camera to everything else, but let's just say I learned the basic skills to be able to take myself further in a direction I want (and I already have a feel of what I like photographing the most). Also I learned that RAW files are of utmost importance.
Once you have a foundation of knowledge and skills, it's much easier to take off and go far, rather than walking around in the dark trying to find a footing, which is what I did (actually more accurately, what I couldn't do) before. It's not like I learned several dozen years of experience in one week- that's impossible. I just got the basics, and I long since learned to never ever underestimate the importance of the basics. Basics makes it sound really simple- but I genuinely learned a lot. All I knew how to do in the past was point my iPod and go click. Whilst that was convenient enough, I wanted to do more, and I know that photography can do a whole lot more than a 2 second pause with your phone.
To be honest, technical skills aside- though of course that's just as important in the picture so to speak- another important element is the idea and philosophy of photography, which is also something I didn't quite appreciate before that I do now. I learned a lot about it in connection to creating art and expressing an idea, interpreting and creating reality, and bringing it to life and really putting yourself into it, and at the end of the day learning how to see the world. It was great to be able to explore ideas and emotions this way. Let's just say my walks down to the bus stop these few days were incredibly worthwhile because I looked around and saw so many possible shots and ideas that obviously I didn't think about before, and I did take some shots in the process. Might go through them later and polish up and post some; although it's a lot of work it's work I generally enjoy doing.
As for the ones above, they were five I chose to use and work on (out of literally 300+ I took in and around school and around Hong Kong afterwards) that had this theme I enjoyed surrounding the concept of locks, metal, disintegration, and contrast- but really, it's all about interpretation. I have some of my own ideas and meaning surrounding them but I'll just let them speak for themselves.
To wrap this up- a big, big thank you to Nick Gleitzman for coming in and teaching our little group for the duration of this week. I learned so much these few days and I'm looking forward to taking it even further in the future, which I can now do with the stuff I've been taught. It's been a really worthwhile and meaningful experience. You can check out his website here (there are some really nice prints for sale), and he also offers tutorials and more.
This turned out to be a much longer post than I intended, so I will wrap it up now. For my last Quest Week in high school, I must say I'm really satisfied, and not only that- but I have the opportunity to build on it and progress with it in my own ways, hopefully, in the future. Hey, and it's fun too!
Here's some photography I worked on and completed this week- I'll write more thoughts below.
It's difficult to sum up a week's experience in a paragraph or two here (I have a feeling it's going to get longer than that-oh look, it is). It'll be a bit rambly but I like to get my thoughts down as quickly as I can, before some things inevitably fade a bit from memory.
So quick overview- this week for Quest Week (the school's activity week) I chose to stay in Hong Kong for many reasons, and learn photography for five days, walking in with real basic and really bare minimum ideas and no more knowledge of the camera in my hands (a Canon Rebel XS belonging to my dad) than how to press a button. I just really enjoy learning new things, and photography's always been something I've been interested in- but I just wasn't sure how or where to start. Over the course of one week, I learned what feels right now like an encyclopaedia worth of fundamental knowledge- both technical and philosphical- about how to use the camera and what photography is and can be to each individual. I'm not here to recap and summarize what I learned in minute detail, from camera to everything else, but let's just say I learned the basic skills to be able to take myself further in a direction I want (and I already have a feel of what I like photographing the most). Also I learned that RAW files are of utmost importance.
Once you have a foundation of knowledge and skills, it's much easier to take off and go far, rather than walking around in the dark trying to find a footing, which is what I did (actually more accurately, what I couldn't do) before. It's not like I learned several dozen years of experience in one week- that's impossible. I just got the basics, and I long since learned to never ever underestimate the importance of the basics. Basics makes it sound really simple- but I genuinely learned a lot. All I knew how to do in the past was point my iPod and go click. Whilst that was convenient enough, I wanted to do more, and I know that photography can do a whole lot more than a 2 second pause with your phone.
To be honest, technical skills aside- though of course that's just as important in the picture so to speak- another important element is the idea and philosophy of photography, which is also something I didn't quite appreciate before that I do now. I learned a lot about it in connection to creating art and expressing an idea, interpreting and creating reality, and bringing it to life and really putting yourself into it, and at the end of the day learning how to see the world. It was great to be able to explore ideas and emotions this way. Let's just say my walks down to the bus stop these few days were incredibly worthwhile because I looked around and saw so many possible shots and ideas that obviously I didn't think about before, and I did take some shots in the process. Might go through them later and polish up and post some; although it's a lot of work it's work I generally enjoy doing.
As for the ones above, they were five I chose to use and work on (out of literally 300+ I took in and around school and around Hong Kong afterwards) that had this theme I enjoyed surrounding the concept of locks, metal, disintegration, and contrast- but really, it's all about interpretation. I have some of my own ideas and meaning surrounding them but I'll just let them speak for themselves.
To wrap this up- a big, big thank you to Nick Gleitzman for coming in and teaching our little group for the duration of this week. I learned so much these few days and I'm looking forward to taking it even further in the future, which I can now do with the stuff I've been taught. It's been a really worthwhile and meaningful experience. You can check out his website here (there are some really nice prints for sale), and he also offers tutorials and more.
This turned out to be a much longer post than I intended, so I will wrap it up now. For my last Quest Week in high school, I must say I'm really satisfied, and not only that- but I have the opportunity to build on it and progress with it in my own ways, hopefully, in the future. Hey, and it's fun too!
Just some updates on what I'm working on, partially for my own benefit too to keep things on track.
Writing wise I'm working on this science fiction (more psychological, but sort of based on a sci-fi premise) project. It's more a concept piece than a novel, and it's exploring a society sometime in the future where technology has taken a heavy turn (and not a completely unexpected one either). But instead of focusing on an overarching plot/apocalypse or anything, it's a collection of short stories, each in the perspective of a different character experiencing this new developing society in a different way. It's much less focused on the technology itself, and more on the attitudes and experiences of the people. I might make some art to go with it as well, I'll see how it goes. I recently finished the first short story but I'll start posting them once I finished all of them (there may be five or six in total).
As for music there are two albums going on at once- one is the very acoustic/lo fi/stripped down one that I'm focusing the most on at the moment- mostly just vocals and guitar (and yes, reverb), the second is much more studio-based with more instruments/synths/some have a bassline going on. I'm aiming to get the acoustic one done first, since it's much easier to manage amongst all the schoolwork, and for the more ambitious album I would prefer if there's a time period I can really sit down and get into it, instead of just short sessions after school. Anyhow, it's all trial and error and I'm enjoying experimenting with all of it so that's good either way.
Bass covers I know a few people have requested songs, and I'm working on them too. A few are more difficult so I want to dedicate a good chunk of time to practicing and getting them right, so they may be done a bit later down the line, but I haven't forgotten about any of them. But one or two of the requests I should be able to manage to post in a few weeks, plus I have a few songs that I personally enjoy playing that I might cover.
There's been a lot going on in life, school and personal wise, but just wanted to make some updates now that I have a little bit of time to write this. That's it for now I guess! Thanks for reading, if you did.
Writing wise I'm working on this science fiction (more psychological, but sort of based on a sci-fi premise) project. It's more a concept piece than a novel, and it's exploring a society sometime in the future where technology has taken a heavy turn (and not a completely unexpected one either). But instead of focusing on an overarching plot/apocalypse or anything, it's a collection of short stories, each in the perspective of a different character experiencing this new developing society in a different way. It's much less focused on the technology itself, and more on the attitudes and experiences of the people. I might make some art to go with it as well, I'll see how it goes. I recently finished the first short story but I'll start posting them once I finished all of them (there may be five or six in total).
As for music there are two albums going on at once- one is the very acoustic/lo fi/stripped down one that I'm focusing the most on at the moment- mostly just vocals and guitar (and yes, reverb), the second is much more studio-based with more instruments/synths/some have a bassline going on. I'm aiming to get the acoustic one done first, since it's much easier to manage amongst all the schoolwork, and for the more ambitious album I would prefer if there's a time period I can really sit down and get into it, instead of just short sessions after school. Anyhow, it's all trial and error and I'm enjoying experimenting with all of it so that's good either way.
Bass covers I know a few people have requested songs, and I'm working on them too. A few are more difficult so I want to dedicate a good chunk of time to practicing and getting them right, so they may be done a bit later down the line, but I haven't forgotten about any of them. But one or two of the requests I should be able to manage to post in a few weeks, plus I have a few songs that I personally enjoy playing that I might cover.
There's been a lot going on in life, school and personal wise, but just wanted to make some updates now that I have a little bit of time to write this. That's it for now I guess! Thanks for reading, if you did.
This is going to just be a personal post instead of writing/music/all the other stuff I usually put on this blog, but I want to talk about today.
Earlier today I went out on one of my solitary day (or, more like a few hours) off, which is just another way of saying me letting myself relax and wander around the city. It doesn't sound very exciting but it is a really nice and eye opening (and also quite possibly therapeutic) experience every time I do it. The last time I did was years ago, but I'm glad I returned to it. Here we go.
So I got off school (it's a Friday, so there's no pressure of waking up ridiculously early tomorrow), and headed to the train to TST, which as everyone who lives here probably knows is one of the busiest and most vibrant parts of Hong Kong. So many of my favourite stores and places are there too. Anyways, I had been looking forward to my little introspective afternoon/evening for a few days and I was pretty excited and relieved to finally have given myself some time to relax and unwind. First destination was food, which, as usual, I ate at this fast food place (noodles, chicken wing, ice tea) while watching an episode of a show I like on my iPod. (It's funny and so great and I was laughing to myself but hey, I was also enjoying it so if anyone was casting me strange stares I didn't see them) Then I headed to the HMV nearby, which is one of the biggest in Hong Kong and not surprisingly one of my favourite places to be. I spent probably an hour (actually maybe more) there browsing and bought myself a Bruce Springsteen shirt and a Wolf Alice CD. I've been meaning to listen to the band for a while so this was a great find. Actually that was the end of what I had wanted and aimed to do really but it was still pretty early and I decided to make the most out of this evening and keep exploring. Why not?
So next I headed to Harbour City. I spontaneously searched up and was planning to visit the Page One bookstore there but as I was walking around in the mall looking for it I came across, completely by accident by the way, Hong Kong Records. I'm such a sucker for record stores so there was no way I was walking past it. I browsed for a while and got myself the great Night Terrors of 1927's album. I was just about to leave- literally a minute from going to pay, when one of the people working there passed me on her way to restock some CDs. And holy. Shit. She was holding Halsey's new album Badlands. I had been looking for it actually and been waiting for its release for ages already (it's released TODAY and I didn't expect to even find it in Hong Kong until next week), and here it was practically handed to me on a silver platter. I got the deluxe edition and left before I gave in and bought even more music. Yes, I was letting myself indulge today, and yes I really do rarely buy so much stuff in one day, but I didn't have limitless spending money so I stopped and walked out with as much self control as I could muster.
I left the store and headed into Page One to browse. It's a great, beautiful bookstore but I didn't buy anything this time (most of my book buying is reserved for the summer book fair, when books are everywhere and on sale, and I buy a LOT. There was one year I went three times, and it's super far from my home.) Now I was really planning to leave the mall and actually go home, I live pretty far from TST and it was getting late.
But then I got a call from my dad to wait for him so I wandered around the mall looking for a place to sit, and what do you know. Third serendipitous find of the afternoon, I came across a small art gallery- the same art gallery a very excited 14/15 year old me had visited a long time ago, also on one of my "day offs." (Once again, it was probably only 3 or 4 hours) I went in, and the exhibit this time was called Signal 8. I saw some beautiful artworks made of materials such as light boxes, glass, newspaper, acrylic, and bronze. Some real unique styles. It is a super small gallery so I finished taking a look and headed outside- happily there was an outdoors terrace next to the gallery that overlooked Victoria Harbour. The sun was starting to set around this time and I went to sit on one of the benches.
Fresh air, a great view of the harbour and cruise ship docked there, it was a real great way to end the evening. I sat there and rested contentedly for around half an hour waiting, either listening to some of my favourite bands on my iPod or just enjoying the sound of the harbour. I also watched a super quick episode of one of my favourite shows. I also really fulfilled and embodied the indie movie cliche and just sat there thinking and being ridiculously introspective. Seriously. You could have played the world's cheesiest, most melodramatic song at that time and it would have probably fit. The sun set and I witnessed and took in the lights and the night view, this city that I have now lived in for more than five years, but still have yet to fully explore and appreciate to the full. Sitting there I felt lighter and better than I had in ages.
Honestly this afternoon was real simple. I definitely didn't do anything fancy or actually spend that much. I just let myself wander and relax and appreciate things which is sometimes so hard to do in the middle of, well, everything. I really, really love writing and making and playing music, and they're great, but it is still so incredibly necessary and healthy to be able to clear your head and let yourself go free in a different kind of way once in a while too. This afternoon has been real fulfilling and positive in a subtle, gentle way that didn't feel super forced or anything. I'd definitely recommend everyone to occasionally (there is a balance to be struck) go on their own mini vacation no matter how much work you have. In fact, it'll probably increase your productivity later so don't feel bad about spending time unwinding by heading out and doing something you like or wanted to do for a while- like maybe see that exhibition close to home, or visit the beach or something. It isn't wasted time- even just going to watch a movie in the cinema by yourself and treating yourself to some dessert afterwards can be great. Obviously when you have the energy to and it's safe to do so- it isn't always as easy as simply getting up and purusing an entire city in a day. Socializing is great. Working can either be great or just a necessity you have to do, or both. Staying at home and just napping for several hours in a row (I've done that so, so many times) feels amazing. But things like this and like today are great and needed too- but of course, to each their own.
I actually remember when I used to do these little solitary adventures a lot, more than I do now. A few years ago I was really very upset about a lot of things and there was a lot of shit going on, I'm not going to go into detail, but back then I did try and push myself to do things like this to be better and feel better. I remember searching up local art galleries to go to after school when I was in my GCSEs, or even younger actually. I explored the city and went to places- safely- I normally wouldn't have bothered to. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone several times. There was also once I accidentally took the wrong minibus after school and found myself on the Peak instead of where I was originally intending to go. But I decided not to stay on the bus and when I got to the Peak, I bought myself some ice cream, and sat there overlooking the entirety of one of Hong Kong's most famous views while doing some work and listening to music. I explored the terraces and gardens there and sat down on a bench to rest while writing some lyrics (also who knew that one day I'd actually be able to put music to those lyrics. If you told me that back then I would've never believed it). It was a happy accident and a great afternoon, and it would never have happened if I hadn't stumbled on the wrong bus.
Anyways, nothing was and is a magical solution to everything. However, these little solitary afternoons once in a while helped and do help, they're nice and if nothing else, allow me to experience and see new things I wouldn't have before.
Earlier today I went out on one of my solitary day (or, more like a few hours) off, which is just another way of saying me letting myself relax and wander around the city. It doesn't sound very exciting but it is a really nice and eye opening (and also quite possibly therapeutic) experience every time I do it. The last time I did was years ago, but I'm glad I returned to it. Here we go.
So I got off school (it's a Friday, so there's no pressure of waking up ridiculously early tomorrow), and headed to the train to TST, which as everyone who lives here probably knows is one of the busiest and most vibrant parts of Hong Kong. So many of my favourite stores and places are there too. Anyways, I had been looking forward to my little introspective afternoon/evening for a few days and I was pretty excited and relieved to finally have given myself some time to relax and unwind. First destination was food, which, as usual, I ate at this fast food place (noodles, chicken wing, ice tea) while watching an episode of a show I like on my iPod. (It's funny and so great and I was laughing to myself but hey, I was also enjoying it so if anyone was casting me strange stares I didn't see them) Then I headed to the HMV nearby, which is one of the biggest in Hong Kong and not surprisingly one of my favourite places to be. I spent probably an hour (actually maybe more) there browsing and bought myself a Bruce Springsteen shirt and a Wolf Alice CD. I've been meaning to listen to the band for a while so this was a great find. Actually that was the end of what I had wanted and aimed to do really but it was still pretty early and I decided to make the most out of this evening and keep exploring. Why not?
So next I headed to Harbour City. I spontaneously searched up and was planning to visit the Page One bookstore there but as I was walking around in the mall looking for it I came across, completely by accident by the way, Hong Kong Records. I'm such a sucker for record stores so there was no way I was walking past it. I browsed for a while and got myself the great Night Terrors of 1927's album. I was just about to leave- literally a minute from going to pay, when one of the people working there passed me on her way to restock some CDs. And holy. Shit. She was holding Halsey's new album Badlands. I had been looking for it actually and been waiting for its release for ages already (it's released TODAY and I didn't expect to even find it in Hong Kong until next week), and here it was practically handed to me on a silver platter. I got the deluxe edition and left before I gave in and bought even more music. Yes, I was letting myself indulge today, and yes I really do rarely buy so much stuff in one day, but I didn't have limitless spending money so I stopped and walked out with as much self control as I could muster.
I left the store and headed into Page One to browse. It's a great, beautiful bookstore but I didn't buy anything this time (most of my book buying is reserved for the summer book fair, when books are everywhere and on sale, and I buy a LOT. There was one year I went three times, and it's super far from my home.) Now I was really planning to leave the mall and actually go home, I live pretty far from TST and it was getting late.
But then I got a call from my dad to wait for him so I wandered around the mall looking for a place to sit, and what do you know. Third serendipitous find of the afternoon, I came across a small art gallery- the same art gallery a very excited 14/15 year old me had visited a long time ago, also on one of my "day offs." (Once again, it was probably only 3 or 4 hours) I went in, and the exhibit this time was called Signal 8. I saw some beautiful artworks made of materials such as light boxes, glass, newspaper, acrylic, and bronze. Some real unique styles. It is a super small gallery so I finished taking a look and headed outside- happily there was an outdoors terrace next to the gallery that overlooked Victoria Harbour. The sun was starting to set around this time and I went to sit on one of the benches.
Fresh air, a great view of the harbour and cruise ship docked there, it was a real great way to end the evening. I sat there and rested contentedly for around half an hour waiting, either listening to some of my favourite bands on my iPod or just enjoying the sound of the harbour. I also watched a super quick episode of one of my favourite shows. I also really fulfilled and embodied the indie movie cliche and just sat there thinking and being ridiculously introspective. Seriously. You could have played the world's cheesiest, most melodramatic song at that time and it would have probably fit. The sun set and I witnessed and took in the lights and the night view, this city that I have now lived in for more than five years, but still have yet to fully explore and appreciate to the full. Sitting there I felt lighter and better than I had in ages.
Three albums, a t shirt, and an art brochure (I got it from the gallery)
Honestly this afternoon was real simple. I definitely didn't do anything fancy or actually spend that much. I just let myself wander and relax and appreciate things which is sometimes so hard to do in the middle of, well, everything. I really, really love writing and making and playing music, and they're great, but it is still so incredibly necessary and healthy to be able to clear your head and let yourself go free in a different kind of way once in a while too. This afternoon has been real fulfilling and positive in a subtle, gentle way that didn't feel super forced or anything. I'd definitely recommend everyone to occasionally (there is a balance to be struck) go on their own mini vacation no matter how much work you have. In fact, it'll probably increase your productivity later so don't feel bad about spending time unwinding by heading out and doing something you like or wanted to do for a while- like maybe see that exhibition close to home, or visit the beach or something. It isn't wasted time- even just going to watch a movie in the cinema by yourself and treating yourself to some dessert afterwards can be great. Obviously when you have the energy to and it's safe to do so- it isn't always as easy as simply getting up and purusing an entire city in a day. Socializing is great. Working can either be great or just a necessity you have to do, or both. Staying at home and just napping for several hours in a row (I've done that so, so many times) feels amazing. But things like this and like today are great and needed too- but of course, to each their own.
I actually remember when I used to do these little solitary adventures a lot, more than I do now. A few years ago I was really very upset about a lot of things and there was a lot of shit going on, I'm not going to go into detail, but back then I did try and push myself to do things like this to be better and feel better. I remember searching up local art galleries to go to after school when I was in my GCSEs, or even younger actually. I explored the city and went to places- safely- I normally wouldn't have bothered to. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone several times. There was also once I accidentally took the wrong minibus after school and found myself on the Peak instead of where I was originally intending to go. But I decided not to stay on the bus and when I got to the Peak, I bought myself some ice cream, and sat there overlooking the entirety of one of Hong Kong's most famous views while doing some work and listening to music. I explored the terraces and gardens there and sat down on a bench to rest while writing some lyrics (also who knew that one day I'd actually be able to put music to those lyrics. If you told me that back then I would've never believed it). It was a happy accident and a great afternoon, and it would never have happened if I hadn't stumbled on the wrong bus.
Anyways, nothing was and is a magical solution to everything. However, these little solitary afternoons once in a while helped and do help, they're nice and if nothing else, allow me to experience and see new things I wouldn't have before.
Language shapes communication, and it leads to shaping thoughts, ideas, actions, and ultimately culture and society as a whole. Language is extremely powerful, and while it can be used for good it can also be incredibly damaging.
Slurs aren't just simple words that "are just a joke, lighten up" and can be thrown around like they're some kind of inconsequential thing because everyone else seems to be doing it so hey it's okay! I'm not hurting anyone! (Yes- you are, by the way. You don't need to directly punch someone in the face to be propagating something harmful or negative)
Using specific words in a derogatory or negative way, whether or not you're aware of that and whether or not you're doing so with a deliberate intention to harm or to put a person or a collective group of people down, isn't just something small to brush off. Yes, it's almost inevitable to slip up or to not know that something that's part of your daily vocabulary is actually really damaging, but there's also a responsibility to educate yourself and stop using it, and if it's inconvenient for you just to simply stop saying a word it's a million times more inconvenient for the people whom that slur directly affects.
There are words out there so tainted with a history of violence and severe discrimination that you might as well be throwing a punch by using them as casually as if you were just saying hello or goodbye.
Furthermore, not just regarding slurs but regarding how some words are used- there are words out there, words supposed to be as simple and used as easily "I'm American/a student/sixteen," that have been used so long with a negative or disgusted tone and implication that there is no way that I can use them to describe myself (even though they're very much part of my identity) without my stomach churning and skin crawling. It's not funny at all. I should be able to tell someone to please stop throwing a word around as an insult or a joke without feeling like I'm the one ashamedly begging a favour and hoping that person B doesn't think I'm stuck up and just ends up laughing. There is something fundamentally skewered with that power dynamic.
It's not just what you say, it's also how you say it and how you use it.
All these slurs and words and "small things" get normalized, get passed on, get shaped into every day language and life, fuels straight into thought patterns, beliefs, and then very much into violent and toxic discrimination and stigmatization- not to mention that they can be strongly internalized by exactly the people you claim to not be hurting. Language is so extremely powerful. The connotations and messages and beliefs that underlie language is unimaginably influential. The only people who get a say in any of this is not you but the group of people for whom the word or language is directly applicable and relevant and affects.
Microaggressions (and not just in the form of slurs and so forth-though the whole point I'm trying to make here is that slurs is most definitely a hugely significant part) are reflections of much bigger structures of discrimination and indeed propagate those toxic beliefs even further-beliefs that don't just lead to occasional bullying in schools, but are pillars that uphold societal discrimination, stigmatization, it leads to whole collectives of people being looked down upon, beaten up, and killed.
Stop using and throwing around a certain word or a slur or a phrase even after you were called out on it. If you didn't know, fine, but if you've already been told and you still continue going on like it's no big deal, then it really is your problem and you are part of the problem, no matter how small. And you can very much easily stop being part of the problem at least in this way. It really isn't that difficult to stop being an asshole.
I'm talking mostly only about slurs here and how specific words are used, but many other aspects of language and how they are used in daily life, when talking about certain issues, when in certain situations and contexts, are also just as important.
Slurs aren't just simple words that "are just a joke, lighten up" and can be thrown around like they're some kind of inconsequential thing because everyone else seems to be doing it so hey it's okay! I'm not hurting anyone! (Yes- you are, by the way. You don't need to directly punch someone in the face to be propagating something harmful or negative)
Using specific words in a derogatory or negative way, whether or not you're aware of that and whether or not you're doing so with a deliberate intention to harm or to put a person or a collective group of people down, isn't just something small to brush off. Yes, it's almost inevitable to slip up or to not know that something that's part of your daily vocabulary is actually really damaging, but there's also a responsibility to educate yourself and stop using it, and if it's inconvenient for you just to simply stop saying a word it's a million times more inconvenient for the people whom that slur directly affects.
There are words out there so tainted with a history of violence and severe discrimination that you might as well be throwing a punch by using them as casually as if you were just saying hello or goodbye.
Furthermore, not just regarding slurs but regarding how some words are used- there are words out there, words supposed to be as simple and used as easily "I'm American/a student/sixteen," that have been used so long with a negative or disgusted tone and implication that there is no way that I can use them to describe myself (even though they're very much part of my identity) without my stomach churning and skin crawling. It's not funny at all. I should be able to tell someone to please stop throwing a word around as an insult or a joke without feeling like I'm the one ashamedly begging a favour and hoping that person B doesn't think I'm stuck up and just ends up laughing. There is something fundamentally skewered with that power dynamic.
It's not just what you say, it's also how you say it and how you use it.
All these slurs and words and "small things" get normalized, get passed on, get shaped into every day language and life, fuels straight into thought patterns, beliefs, and then very much into violent and toxic discrimination and stigmatization- not to mention that they can be strongly internalized by exactly the people you claim to not be hurting. Language is so extremely powerful. The connotations and messages and beliefs that underlie language is unimaginably influential. The only people who get a say in any of this is not you but the group of people for whom the word or language is directly applicable and relevant and affects.
Microaggressions (and not just in the form of slurs and so forth-though the whole point I'm trying to make here is that slurs is most definitely a hugely significant part) are reflections of much bigger structures of discrimination and indeed propagate those toxic beliefs even further-beliefs that don't just lead to occasional bullying in schools, but are pillars that uphold societal discrimination, stigmatization, it leads to whole collectives of people being looked down upon, beaten up, and killed.
Stop using and throwing around a certain word or a slur or a phrase even after you were called out on it. If you didn't know, fine, but if you've already been told and you still continue going on like it's no big deal, then it really is your problem and you are part of the problem, no matter how small. And you can very much easily stop being part of the problem at least in this way. It really isn't that difficult to stop being an asshole.
I'm talking mostly only about slurs here and how specific words are used, but many other aspects of language and how they are used in daily life, when talking about certain issues, when in certain situations and contexts, are also just as important.
You tell me to be myself. What do you mean, exactly? When-if ever-is self a constant solid pivot point, and whenever is it not a variable constantly changing, renewing, rediscovering itself, with change as certain as each passing second? If life is a constantly flowing river, then self in my eyes is less the rocks, less the banks, less the trees rooted to the sides, more the water itself, constantly in motion and never remaining still and certain at any given point. We change, grow, learn, adapt. We become new people as experiences mould us like a sculptor's hands in soft clay. Sometimes we don't, ourselves, change at all, but instead we discover ourselves, figure things out, reveal something that is a part of us that was there before but we didn't see it and realize it until now. We re-express ourselves accordingly. We become comfortable in our shifting, shedding skin. We look back on our memories and see ourselves like some not-quite stranger we encountered before in our lives, introspective deja vu. We dress ourselves up, a chameleon to our surroundings, who we are when we need to be, bleach our masks and smooth the creases at the end of each day.
You tell me to be myself. Alright. Who do I be then, the child I was several years ago, running wild in the trees and playing tag on the fields with my friends? Who do I be then, the calm and composed and in control in front of old friends and former lovers? Who do I be then, the child of my parents, checking off expectations like items on a shopping list? Who do I be then, the me that lies still and silent at a sleepless 2 am in the dark, arms folded on steadily rising and falling stomach? Who do I be then, the person I see in the mirror, not able to quite reach their touch and gaze? Who do I be then, the self alone in the bedroom burning and rotting something fierce, fighting a silent fight underneath thinning skin? Who do I be- who I think I am, who I present myself as, who I really am, who am I not? Who?
I know, there is a self within all the change, all the shifting and moulding and moving. There is a self behind all the hiding and re-expressing and adapting. There is a myself, yourself, themself. I know that we are. I know that if you dilute the ever raging water, the silt and dust and dirt and foamy rapids, you will find something there that is core, untouched, pure and distilled, flowing clear and good for eternity, you face yourself with unhindered courage. I know, I know. It's there. You're there. I'm there. We are who we are, we are all our changes and all our movement and all our selves.
You tell me to be myself. Alright.
Tell me who, and tell me how.
You tell me to be myself. Alright. Who do I be then, the child I was several years ago, running wild in the trees and playing tag on the fields with my friends? Who do I be then, the calm and composed and in control in front of old friends and former lovers? Who do I be then, the child of my parents, checking off expectations like items on a shopping list? Who do I be then, the me that lies still and silent at a sleepless 2 am in the dark, arms folded on steadily rising and falling stomach? Who do I be then, the person I see in the mirror, not able to quite reach their touch and gaze? Who do I be then, the self alone in the bedroom burning and rotting something fierce, fighting a silent fight underneath thinning skin? Who do I be- who I think I am, who I present myself as, who I really am, who am I not? Who?
I know, there is a self within all the change, all the shifting and moulding and moving. There is a self behind all the hiding and re-expressing and adapting. There is a myself, yourself, themself. I know that we are. I know that if you dilute the ever raging water, the silt and dust and dirt and foamy rapids, you will find something there that is core, untouched, pure and distilled, flowing clear and good for eternity, you face yourself with unhindered courage. I know, I know. It's there. You're there. I'm there. We are who we are, we are all our changes and all our movement and all our selves.
You tell me to be myself. Alright.
Tell me who, and tell me how.
Cure the feeling of insignificance one word at a time, I see it in your eyes, how they drift in the daylight wondering if what you're standing for is really right. Can I offer you some late night comfort, cough syrup triumph for all the struggles you've endured for your name? Come on, we all have felt the gnawing insecurity day after day. I tell you to grit your teeth against self deprecation scratching at your insides and rotting your gums away, look yourself in the mirror and just realise you're fighting for some sense of purpose as they say. Look around you, lift your shades and what do you see? Blinding fires burning in the recesses of our bodies, heat building between our scars and seams. I know you fear the doubt of existence, the questions that sit on your chest after you retreat to bed. I tell you to reach inside your heart, know that it's enough just trying to be good in the end. The monsters hiding you from view, the injustices killing your raging mood, it only takes a pin of light to change, I promise you soon, soon. You feel the waste of breath in your lungs, why all the terribleness? ...dear god. Feel the pressure on your bones and mould what you love a better home. In the dirt of the fight we can only believe in the blood coursing through our winding veins, in the rising light on the horizon promising a better life, another chance, calling us towards brighter days.
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