lyric/poem snippets (bits and pieces)

Unfinished things I brainstormed on strangely named word documents, notepad files, notebooks, my iPod notes app, and everywhere else really. Some of these are really old but oh well. I might use some of them as lyrics some day, but for now:

Have you ever tried to slow your mind
down to a jog
But it spins, it crashes, it goes along
Fast forward the frames in the scene
Feel the nerves beneath your skull
snap and bleed
Slow it down, slow it down
Your head full of static
But in between your lips
You hear no sound

Live with a brain that won't stop asking
And a heart that's out of answers
Don't ask me why, I'll never know
Don't make me believe what I can't be
I'm tired of trying to show myself
The truth but I can't really take it
No matter how much I brace myself inside
It might be easy to see from outside
The strange mentality
But my brain won't stop asking questions
And my heart can't stop giving up on me

All my life I've been told the same thing
Only to grow up and realise it's not quite true
Boy, I don't know how to feel when you look me in the eye
I don't know how to feel, how to do it right
Like I see on TV screens by myself at midnight
Is it butterflies or anxiety I feel inside?
I've been trying to figure out
something for the longest time
But every answer I find feels like a
god damn lie
I can't separate what I want with what
Others want from me
Can't figure out how I feel
Towards anyone I see
The parts of me are fighting to death
all day and night
None of this is my fault, I swear
How nothing feels quite real or right
Can't bring myself to stare right into the mirror
In my eyes- I don't know what I'll find
I'll kiss you on the lips just to see what I feel
But I tell you, it's not quite real

A darling smile masks
An air of cigarette smoke
What I see in you,
What I don't know
The light in your eyes tempts me
For so much more
You have that peripheral beauty,
I can't see you quite so clearly
Your quiet air of mystery
Sweet and unknown,
I wish I could know you inside out
I wish I could be the one to be
Warm musk against cheek
What was that that made you weak,
What made you find your strength again?
An illusion, you are a delusion
A self indulgent fantasy
And I wish I was brave enough
to try out our reality

All my friends are quietly sad
Falling in love content again
While I can't bring myself to dream
in my own bed
Every night different stories in my head
I close my eyes but they whisper
through my ears instead
The dark a canvas, on it words bled
In and out of me, into my head

If happiness is a day job
I work the nine to five
It keeps me well in life
and I seem to do just fine
Intoxicating weariness
It only hits you at night
Leaves you reeling
It blurs everything in sight

You can't wait to fall asleep
Just so you could forget about me
You turn yourself away
Turn your music loud
So you can't hear the things I say

Pay me in pennies
Pieces of your broken heart
Show me how he moved you,
Show me how he broke you,
Show me all you've got

Carve your name into my skull
Can't get rid of you if I tried
Permanently reside inside my mind
Unwind the tangles of my time
Burn your name onto my tongue
Why don't you stay, stay for some?
You're light I can't find in anyone
Walk circles around my head
Can't stop repeating all you've said
Your voice messages on endless repeat
Drowning in all this burning heat

Lock the door behind you as you go
Don't want a soul to find me here
I'll sit quietly, I'l lie silently
Inhale and exhale complacently
I'll trouble no other, no one
Lock the door behind you if you go

wanna curl my fist
inside of your chest
is it hard to sit right,
is it hard to rest?
i want to punch a wall till my knuckles bleed
just to show you how it feels
when it's so damn hard to breathe
and you just can't get what you need
i wanna show you
how it's like
do your thoughts sharpen
themselves at night?