laugh
People never ask how it really is
They make the jokes,
I guess it's funny from afar
I'll tell you how it feels, though
Like memorising the same
Train of thought,
Repeating it like a desperate prayer
Each day, on the clock
Your mouth moves nonstop
But outside you're silent.
Do you ever feel the impulse,
To take a strand of thought
Place it under the microscope
Dissect it, bits and pieces,
Split the atoms, ruin their peace
You cannot stop, looking for
Some subatomic answer that
Does not exist,
You can laugh, I can laugh too
But really, have you stared at
A white wall, with a record
Skipping stuck on the same song
Playing with that same prayer
The fear- you're going to be
Fighting for your breath forever
Above and under water, whatever
Try sticking a hot coal in your gut
A needle in your eye,
Dig a blade in your sole,
Try to walk without a limp-
Try it all, tell me it's so fun
When it cannot stop.
But it doesn't matter,
Roll it over your tongue,
A superficial joke,
And I cannot stop, cannot stop
Laughing at myself.